Dear God, What Is That Thing!? (Welcome Home)

Westley: To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.

Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.

Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears. I understand, let's get on with it.

Westley: WRONG! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing!?" will echo in your perfect ears.

My first night back, I heard our dog Mango (whom I missed terribly) jump down from the couch around 4am. There was something funny about the sound of her movement, which in the middle of the night usually indicates that she's throwing up.

Came downstairs and sure enough. Partially digested food on the cowhide that I hate but that Debby won't get rid of and...this...this...well...

I took a photo of it, because it simply defied description. But Free Refills is a classy joint, and I just can't bring myself to post the picture. You'd never believe it was vomited rather than defecated.

The only thing to call it:


No fucking idea what it was. It was possibly the grossest thing I've ever seen, and keep in mind that I just drove across Wyoming's roadkill-smeared highways.

It's good to be home.

[Apologies that the video doesn't stop after "...mass." I tried and tried and tried to get it to work, but the video embed won't accept that kind of URL.]

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