July 17th, 2013

Day 0

The call came at about 5:45am and I was deeply asleep. Debby awoke and understood before I did, and I swam up out of the depths and became immediately calm and I hope I let her know that I loved her as I went to answer the phone. It was one of those moments of cascading realization, where your understanding comes avalanching down, a great thing falling, and then a moment later it settles into a new stability. When Debby awoke I felt from her an immediate sadness as I came a moment later to understand that only one call would be coming to me at this time of morning, this morning. Sometimes you are made privy to many things all at once, and as I walked to the phone in the cool morning I could feel in that moment of her understanding and mine just behind it the many years of our time together and the way communication starts to happen not just wordlessly but sympathetically, a resonance between you that comes from feeling for so many years each other's vibrations. Of course I didn't consciously think any of this but I remember the feeling as I walked into the other room and picked up the phone and heard my sister sob.

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