Spaciousness (III): The Things We Hold On To

Constriction is appealing because...well, because it keeps us safe, in a sense. We know these boundaries. We know this place with all its clutter. And sure, we are not fully happy, not fully realized, and we know it, but to let go of the things that we use to hold us back--and that's what it is, holding ourselves back, clutching these things, grasping--it scares us. It scares us because we identify these things as ourselves.

I remember from the early days of my working with Jerry the feeling of a huge energy flow as I began to let go of things, and I finally understood the proscription often stated in texts on kundalini or tantra, that you should not undertake these practices without a teacher, because you might go crazy. I always read that stuff and said, "Yeah, sure," while at the same time wondering, "Really? Is that possible?" But then I had the experience of an energetic awakening and I remember vividly going to Jerry one day and responding to his question of, "How are things?" by saying, "They're going well. I mean, I feel like I'm dissolving, but besides that, they're going really well."

In opening--in spaciousness--things that you took as part and parcel of yourself turn out not to be. You are something else than you thought you were. What, then, are you?

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