I'm going through a period of transition unlike any I've gone through since I got out of college. In a month or so, my life is going to look totally different. Isn't that fun?
No, actually. It is not fun. A lot of the time it's really sad.
Which is not to say that there aren't moments of fun. I invited this change into my life, and I did it because of the firm conviction, arrived at after--trust me on this--ample exploration, that ultimately my life will be better for it. I can see expansion in my life already. Things are going to get better. My life is going to get better. I am going to be happier, more true to myself, more in flow with what the universe is asking of me and offering me.
But here in the middle of it, it is heavy and sad and overwhelming, and all I can do, day by day, is to try to put one foot in front of the other; and on those days in which I act out and do not do even that--those days when I play Game for six hours, or spend too much money having two cocktails too many--well, I see myself doing it, and I know why. I think I can forgive myself. Maybe somewhere there is some perfect version of me doing this all perfectly. I'm not that guy. I fuck up a lot. Still, I'm doing my best. And I trust that, through the promise of expansion, my best improves a little, every single day.