In my piece from a week ago, I described asking myself, "Am I living what I claim to be living?"
Yesterday, I was given the opportunity to see clearly how much the answer has been, "No. No, I am not."
I was teaching about overcoming self-limiting beliefs. Usually beliefs of that nature are tied to a certain linguistic expression, something along the lines of, "I can't do _____." I was teaching that if you were to take what you desire to replace the self-limiting belief and turn it into a positive sentence in the present tense ("I can do _____"), over time you will find the grip of the self-limiting belief loosening.
Now, this in not a new idea. This practice is often referred to as "affirmations." Yesterday, I chose instead to call them "incantations," declaring it the more accurate term: that speaking something as though it were already true and having it become so is a form of magic.
The teaching was obviously correct. I could feel the flow of it as I was speaking it. (When this happens, I can barely take credit for what I'm saying--I'm basically just a channel.)
But then I took a moment to look at my own behavior. I asked myself, "From the perspective of the actual practices in my life, do I actually believe what I'm saying?" And the answer, quite clearly, was, No. I have in fact always rejected affirmation practice.
How interesting to discover that I am capable of teaching one thing--a correct thing--and doing something else entirely.